Things you NEVER talk about in the bar

Sex, Politics and Religion
1) The first is easy.
You don't talk to people about sex because of one of the three following reasons:
a. you're getting too much and you'll make those around you feel uncomfortable
b. you're getting too little and you'll make those around you feel uncomfortable, or
c. you're getting it from ways unthought of by others and you'll make those around you feel uncomfortable
2) Politics
I was raised to believe one's political opinions were personal. I remember my dad coming home from the polling place and eagerly asking him who he voted for. "None of your damn business!" was always his reply. I choose to quote him frequently when put on the spot; but only because I have a long, sordid history of voting for third party candidates most of you have never heard of. I was even hesitant to write my nominee when we did the mock presidential vote in second grade. For the record, I'm pretty sure I thought Gerald Ford was actually Chevy Chase at the time. Why I was more familiar with Saturday Night Live more than the CBS Evening News, I can't say. I suppose I also have a long history of staying up past my bedtime. Bite me, I was seven. Why did anyone ask me who I wanted to be president anyway? I was more concerned with who got to be first for hopscotch at recess.
But these days people literally wear their hearts on their sleeves. There are many clubs and they all have jackets. One's political persuasion defines them as a person. Helps them get one job or canned from another. The thing that angers me most is that most people don't realize they have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT THE GOVERNMENT IS REALLY DOING! Our federal government is a farce, probably all state governments are as well. There is no such thing as a "news" organization. I don't care where you get your information from, more than likely, it isn't news; it's conjecture and opinion. It's being sold to you us news, as fact; and most of us are buying it.
When I was in college ... let's just call it-not quite 20 years ago but more than 15-a friend had come across a little tidbit in his research for business or something. He discovered that federal tax dollars had been given to some institution to "study the effects of tequila on sunfish." First of all, I'm not kidding. Second of all, does that burn you? It burned me; still does! I can't tell you the dollar amount. If it was more than one, I think it was money wasted. If tax dollars are to be spent studying the effects of tequila on anything, it should be ME and a few of my closest friends. I can do that for about thirty bucks. Hell, I can probably type up a report from memory and maybe just take a little tax credit or something.
THIS IS WHAT THE GOVERNMENT DOES WITH YOUR MONEY!
At about the same time I was doing some research on food additives for a chemistry paper and was sifting through mountains of papers put out by the Food and Drug Administration. (We didn't have the internet when I was in college). Wanna take a guess as to how many rat droppings are/were acceptable in one 16 ounce can of beans? It's 12. I don't know about you, but when I go to the store to buy a can of beans I would put the maximum number of rat droppings that I would personally find acceptable to be contained in that can at, well, ZERO. Any more than that is no good. But our government, that we know and trust, thinks that 13 is bad. Twelve is OK.
THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF GOVERNMENT STANDARDS!
Now what you have to realize first is that this is nothing new. If you do any in-depth study of the history of our government, you'll find this nonsense has been going on since about the 1780s, even before. We adopted our system of government from the nation we revolted against. It wasn't so much that the colonial elite gentry were pissed that the people were being taxed as much as it was the fact that the revenue was being shipped across the Atlantic to King George and he was making all the rules. They just wanted the money to stay here so THEY could divvy it up and make the rules! Any that's the way it's always been. Second, this is not a Republican/Democrat thing. This is a government thing. They are two sides of the same coin. I have a great deal of fear as to how these behemoth party machines are dividing us; our families, our friendships and our lives. And I don't buy this "lesser of two evils" hogwash. I'm tired of hearing people saying I have to pick a side. They both suck. If I can walk in to a Baskin-Robbins and have over 31 flavors of something as insignificant as ice cream to choose from, I should demand more than one of two options when I elect a person to represent me in Harrisburg or Washington.
(Side note: I personally don't think we even need elected representation anymore. For more information on that, see Part Three of my series, "Three Things the Internet Can Make Obsolete, But Never Will." Unfortunately, I haven't gotten around to Part Two yet and Part One was written a little over two years ago, so, well ... it might be a while).
In closing, if you're gonna be a bleeding-heart liberal, make sure the people you are voting for really, honestly are good people and actually have everyone's best interests at heart. But I assure you, they don't. And if you're gonna be a ditto-head conservative, make sure the people you are voting for really, honestly are good people and actually have everyone's best interests at heart. But I assure you, they don't. That's about all I have to say about politics for now.
3) Religion
My God's better than your god! Nya nya nya nya nya nya!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
If that offends you, I'm sorry. Didn't mean it. Just go ahead and NOT have a Merry Christmas, that'll be sure to annoy Christians. I hope the celebration of Hannukah was fulfilling or your Kwanzaa is a time of reflection and joy. And for all you pagans out there with your Saturnalia and Solstice and festivals of Mithra and whatnot, you all have fun too, but no more sacrificing bulls, unless you roast me a delicious tender loin with lots of butter!
And that's all I have to say about religion!