A while back a friend of mine told me about how he was watching some awful show on MTV about I don’t remember what kind of banal crap and how the whole time he was conscious of how he was totally wasting his time but just couldn’t change the channel or turn the damn television off. It’s like staring at a horrific twelve car pileup on the Interstate, watching dead, burnt bodies smolder to ash among the contorted metal that used to be an automobile. You know how dreadfully wrong it is but you can’t stop looking at it.
I had a similar experience recently when my remote came upon a show on the Country Music Channel called “My Big Redneck Wedding.” Now, it’s bad enough that I actually chose to click on it after reading the title, because after all, the only thing worth watching on CMT is the Coyote Ugly series - those gals may look real purty and sing and dance but none of them can make a drink for shit and I like to laugh at them as I watch them try - but then I spent ninety minutes of my life watching 3 episodes in a row! Shameful.
The producers of this show have the title all wrong. It should be called, “Couples You Will See on Springer in Less Than a Year.” The one episode was about a couple who were getting married at a demolition derby. On top of the hood of a car. That they were in. During the actual demolition derby. The bride got all bent because she didn’t want to rip her dress crawling out of the broken windshield. Like nobody saw that coming.
When I started railing on this particular rant, the focus of my anger was going to be television. But in light of recent events, which I can’t divulge upon, on advice from my attorney, I’ve chosen to be pissed off at stupidity.
Ignorance pisses me off. In any way, shape or form. Honestly, I don’t care what color you are, which particular deity you waste your time praying to to hit the lottery, or if you like to put your penis into farm animals. If you’re fucking stupid, I hate you. (Although, if you engage in the latter activity, chances are, you’re stupid. And I hate you).
I’ve said for years that I wish there was a place on Earth where we could put all the stupid people. Much like the British Empire used Australia for a penal colony. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not bashing Australia-I’m not saying you’re stupid. I think you all got the better part of that bargain. Would you rather be surfing in the sun or living in dreary ole England? I’d be thankful my ancestor stole a loaf of bread to feed his family and then got sentenced to paradise. Paradise with lots of spiders that could kill you, but paradise nonetheless. I'm just drawing a correlation.
Anyway, I wish there was somewhere to put all the stupid people. Maybe we could just jettison them all off into space or something. Set the I.Q. at 130. Well, some of my dearest friends just aren’t that bright, but I love them anyway so maybe I would lower that to 125. Ish. We'll make them go to Delaware for remediation.
Tying all of this together is a wonderful little movie I saw a few years ago called Idiocracy. I don’t even know if it made it to the theatres. I saw it on DVD. Luke Wilson is in it. Stupid people think it’s a dumb movie and smart people think it’s brilliant. It’s major themes are stupid people, the dumbing down of both stupid people and borderline stupid people via dumb television, and on a minor note, “What are we going to do with all the fucking garbage?”
In closing, I’d like to pose a question to my audience. Yes, BOTH of you. There’s a show on TV that I haven’t had the gumption to watch. I’m scared because it’s on almost every channel when I get home from work between 3am and 6am. You’d think that with like 500 channels to choose from, if 300 of them are showing this particular program in the middle of the night, it HAS to be good. But I’m not sure. I almost feel stupid myself for never watching it but I need to know if it’s worth my time. It’s called “Paid Programming.” So if you can let me know if I’m missing anything, I’ll thank you kindly for it!
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4 comments:
You are probably a fan already but the show Intervention is built on stupidity. Good viewing if you want to lose all hope in humanity.
Steve,
I do watch it occasionally and it makes me cry. A lot. (I'm a weepy kinda person believe it or not). I actually find this show very uplifting for two reasons:
1. It makes me feel a whole lot better about myself to see those human train wrecks and
2. I am very happy for the ones who get out of the mess they have made for themselves and those around them.
Now, if you want to talk about losing all hope in humanity, I would recommend "The Factor with Bill O'Reilly."
That show also makes my cry. A lot.
Watch Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog if you haven't yet.
This is the THIRD time I've come across "Idiocracy" in people's postings... I need to see it.
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